Mid-Life Crisis and the Family
(As seen through the eyes of a fourteen-year - old)
By Victor Epp
To view it in context, one must first know what to look for. Three basic symptoms manifest themselves to varying degrees over the crisis period. The first and most pervasive is denial of the condition. Combined with the other two, being anger and unreasonable authoritarianism they create a deadly cocktail within the framework of any family.
This study deals only with the disease among parents since little is known about its existence in single people. The "condition", as it is known in discrete circles, is generally a parental affliction that roughly coincides with the onset of puberty among the offspring. Although the relationship between the two isn't clear, it couldn't come at a worse time. Moreover, once 'Mid Life Crisis' strikes it must run its course of about ten years.
Onset can be gradual in some, going undetected for a time. In others it may strike unpredictably with the vengeance of a hurricane. In its wake is a path of destruction and devastation visited on the offspring. Either way treatment is guesswork at best and is generally left to the young adults to deal with, the parents being rendered useless by the condition.
The most obvious symptom of the "condition" is habitual posture of denial by the parent(s) - denial of the most obvious. It is more complicated in females than males. Males are prone to hide these tendencies as if they are somewhat ashamed. Nevertheless, they still exhibit strange behavior. During formative years men prepare their charges for young adulthood. That is their mission. When that is finally achieved they suddenly become disgustingly over protective, insisting on things like chaperoning them to dances, eleven o'clock curfews, clothing of a prehistoric era causing undeserved shame and public humiliation.
The behavior they demand from their post-pubescent teens is entirely at odds with their own. During the time their children were growing up the family sedan was good enough for transportation. At the very moment that the sons and daughters are on the verge of getting their driver’s licenses a father buys himself a flashy SUV. He puts the moth eaten old beater on blocks to have for the children's "first car". He actually thinks that a sixteen-year-old would be caught dead in such a rust bucket.
The phenomenon manifests itself in other ways too. Middle-aged men begin to dress entirely out of context with their years. This act in itself provides irrefutable evidence of brainpower drainage. One must assume that at one time they did have a sense of fashion, judging by old photographs of another era and factoring in the trends of the time.
A prime example of deviance in 'Mid Life Crisis' behavior is the fifteen-dollar jeans men insist on wearing. In the first instance, that is only one tenth the minimum price one must pay for a decent pair of jeans with an acceptable label. Secondly, men cannot wear the same size pants they did at sixteen. Frightening changes in the body have taken place. The once shapely and seductive gluteus maximus muscles have moved completely around the body to settle somewhere in the vicinity of the navel. The result of course is that the pants seat sags limply over a couple of stiff, skinny pant legs while the waist is cinched up dangerously close to the crotch like a tourniquet.
If only that were the extent of it. An even more obvious sign of 'Mid Life Crisis' is the cleavage men expose in their dress. Whether they have lost the dexterity to button up their shirts or pull up their pants is not certain, but they are oblivious to the embarrassment. Without so much as even a thought, they insist on being seen in public that way with their young adult offspring, even pointing out the relationship, for God’s sake!
The signs of 'Mid Life Crisis' in women if more subtle are much more dramatic. It often starts with reading more and more poetry, taking ceramics classes and doing volunteer work. Women also network a lot with each other. It's like a swarming activity. They cry often too. One theory is that the cause is sheer desolation over the fact that they are not, and probably never were as vibrant and attractive as their young adult daughters. One is often moved to compassion over such evolutionary inadequacy.
While women are somewhat more malleable and easier for young adults to handle in this condition, their minds become addled, and gravity and bio-degradability ravage their bodies. It is widely thought that as denial of these facts can no longer be tolerated, anger sets in.
The smallest irritation will set the 'Mid Life Crisis' sufferer off. Sleeping late, unfinished homework, chores not done are all triggers for a temper tantrum. They have lost the understanding that these are perfectly natural activities for young adults. Watching television, playing video games, long conversations with peers on the telephone all have an inherent and much needed educational and social value. They must have known that at some time in their lives. Now these things have labels like 'lazy' and 'irresponsible' stamped on them.
Opinions differ on whether authoritarianism is a symptom of 'Mid Life Crisis' or simply a coping mechanism. It would not be unreasonable to assume that it is a little of both. Active denial combined with anger could easily predispose one to authoritarianism. After all, these people - men and women alike, are bigger and stronger than young adults and with a lung capacity to cause auditory damage if they so choose.
Authoritarianism is by far the most difficult manifestation for young adults to deal with. It is parental adoption of a predatory attitude toward offspring at a critical time in their development. At the very moment of emerging crucial relationships, fashion breakthroughs, awakening to the wonders of adulthood, the belligerence of parents in 'Mid Life Crisis' appears out of nowhere to burden young adults with unthinkable consequences.
We now find the parents shamelessly offloading their obligations of doing dishes; cleaning the house and maintaining the yard on these self-same busy young adults. All the while they expect young adults to be mature at all times, be prompt in their assigned duties and to be cheerful about it too. At times it appears these outbursts are deliberately designed to stifle the anticipated young lifestyles. Reasonable oppositions to these draconian measures only result in 'grounding' or other loss of privileges or allowance.
People in 'Mid Life Crisis' have a total memory loss when it comes to these activities. The famous phrase that begins with' When I was your age -' has no relevance whatever. True, they learned all these duties and values at a time when it was socially acceptable for young adults to be compliant and obedient. And they learned to do these things very well. But this was in some long past era of child labor and virtual slavery. It has no place in today's society.
A few futile attempts have been made to deal with the growing pandemic, all with disastrous results. At first it was thought that 'Valium' was the answer - the be all and end all to 'Mid Life Crisis'. Even 'Prozac', a calming agent for hyperactive children was tried. The results were relatively the same. The upshot was a trail of addicted adults who didn't care about anything at all and were rendered completely useless for any purpose whatsoever.
It becomes evident that drugs are not the answer - at least for these ailing people usually in their middle years. Until a more promising treatment is found, the most effective means of dealing with the disease is close attention to these sufferers using the 'Elder Care' model. They must be encouraged to continue doing the work, providing the housing AND the means for young adults to launch themselves into life as it was meant to be. This often calls for great intestinal fortitude and resourcefulness. The key is to call on those things that were learned in childhood to acquire one's wants with the least amount of repercussion. Gentle persistence is a powerful tool. It must be remembered that anger and belligerent authoritarianism burn great amounts of energy that can't be sustained by older people for all that long.
As stated, 'Mid Life Crisis' has an effective cycle of about ten years. By the time the young adult reaches his or her mid twenties, recovery is well underway. Not only has the 'Mid Life Crisis' survivor regained the original intelligence and demeanor, but during the time of mental hibernation, acquired a lot of wisdom obviously dispensed by the respective young adults along the way. In fact, the two generations achieve a level of near equal footing.
Once this point in the rehabilitation is reached there is very little chance of relapse. The demeanor becomes noticeably more agreeable. Even the lumpy, unfashionable old bodies take on a somewhat lovable, cuddly air. And these erstwhile troublesome sufferers become quite useful again too. Instead of their authoritarian manner, they begin to encourage their children in the latter's endeavors. They do well at babysitting too and provide a degree of excitement for their grand children.
It is evident that there is a great deal of work still to be done to overcome this anomaly of evolution. Aggressively addressed, it is possible to envision increased longevity as the solution to 'Mid Life Crisis' in future generations. There presently exists a small window of opportunity to utilize the last batch of survivors who still know how to do chores and fix things. They may be able to extend their services to their grand children in order to spare their own offspring from the stress of 'Mid Life Crisis'.
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