Me and the Family
Mommy and Daddy
And
Bed Time Stories
To cultivate the imagination of our children, to provide them with the resources by which their hopes and dreams may some day become reality; that is the real purpose of the bedtime story. As the little ones lie snuggled safely in their beds while mommy or daddy tuck them in and tell them a story to fall asleep with, the magical door to the world of dreams opens to the boundless wonder of the imagination.
Well, that's the theory anyway. But in the real world there can be a number of variations on this theme that call for decisive action. Maybe mommy had a tough day. For starters, she hadn't discovered the bubble gum in Melissa's pants pocket until after the clothes came out of the dryer. Now they were impossibly glued together. Not only that but Whiskers the cat had somehow got locked in the closet that morning. Sometime about noon she had a hissy fit and tore down most of mommy's clothes, plowed through the neat row of shoes and even got up to the top shelf to knock down the hatboxes.
That's the ruckus mommy heard at the very moment she was keeping an eye on the milk scalding on the stove for a nutritious pudding she'd planned for dinner.
The clatter scared the pants off her and she bolted into the bedroom to see if they'd been bombed by terrorists. Whiskers was still at it so she easily found the source of the noise. Opening the closet door, mommy viewed the carnage and Whiskers stomped out with that 'Serves you right' smirk on her face.
Mommy groaned and started to pick up the mess. The milk! Oh no! She raced back to the kitchen. Too late, she could do no more than watch the white bubbly stuff roll over the edge of the pot, right on to the hot element. Melissa was lying under the kitchen table, demurely stroking a purring Whiskers.
Well, that's about how her day was going so far. The afternoon didn't improve much either. About six-thirty daddy finally showed up from work.
"Hi honey, I'm home." He slammed the door.
"How was your day," mommy asked the standard question as though she actually cared.
"Don't ask. Yours?"
"Don't ask."
You see what I mean. No matter how solemn our resolve to raise the children in a most loving way and instill in them the magic and wonder of the world, it can be compromised from time to time. Still, we soldier on.
A sullen, silent supper with no pudding, do the dishes, a bath for Melissa, a little bit of play time, milk and cookies and then bed time. Whew!
"I'm not sleepy!"
"Yes you are. It's bed time."
"I wanna watch TV."
"Melissa, its bed time. Now come and say good night and off you go. There's a good girl."
"Daddy's watching TV. I wanna watch with daddy."
"Daddy's all grown up. He's got to stay up until after you've gone to sleep."
"Can I have a drink of water?"
"Nothing more to drink, Melissa. Mommy will tuck you in to bed and you will have beautiful dreams to tell me about tomorrow."
"Now close your eyes and wait for the sandman to come and sprinkle dream dust on them. Good night honey. Mommy and daddy love you."
At last, silence in the house and a return to sanity. Mommy collapses on the couch beside daddy.
"Mom, I can't sleep!"
"Yes you can. You're not trying."
"The sandman didn't come yet so I can't get any dreams."
"Well he'll come. You just have to lie there quietly with your eyes closed. Then he'll come."
"I want daddy to tell me a story."
"Can't!" says dad.
"Why not?"
"It's Monday night football. I'll do it tomorrow."
"Waaaaaaaaaaaah!"
"Oh Harry, you can take a few minutes to tell her a story. She's your daughter too, you know."
"Okay, okay, okay! But it's going to be a short one. It’s almost game time."
"Come and lie down beside me and tell me a story, just like always, daddy."
"Okay, move over. Now let's see - um, I know. Once upon a time there was a cat and a mouse. The cat ate the mouse, got sick and died - the end. Good night sweetie."
"Waaaaaaaaaaaah!"
"Come on honey, give me a break. Daddy's had a hard day and it's Monday night football!"
"I want a real story!"
"Oh, all right. Here, let me get a book. I'll read you one."
"No daddy. You have to make one up - a good one about a cat."
"But - the game is already on. Aw - okay. This is about Whiskers, the ferocious guard cat. It's kind of scary though. Think you can handle that?"
"Oh yeah! Tell it. I love scary stories!"
"Well, let's see now. Whiskers only looked like an ordinary cat, but she wasn't really. But nobody knew about her special ferocious powers until one day Fang, the Rotweiler mouse came to her house looking for revenge."
"Is Whiskers going to die daddy?"
"I'm not telling. You have to wait and see at the end of the story."
"Oh."
"Fang had heard that Whiskers ate his brother Frank so he came to get revenge."
"What kind of a name is Frank for a mouse?"
"Do you want to hear the story or not? I can always go watch Monday night football, you know."
"No, no, Frank is okay."
"Fang knew that he had to get really, really big and strong if he was going to be able to rip Whiskers' heart out -"
"Oh no, not that, daddy!"
" - so he enrolled in giant school and hired a personal trainer. He had to practice puffing himself up so that he would grow bigger.
He even exercised his teeth. After a while Fang got so that he could puff himself up to the size of a Rotweiler any time he wanted.
His teeth grew so long they were like cavalry swords. They were big enough to slice up a whole cow! That's how he got the name Fang, the Rotweiler mouse."
"Oh no, I know Whiskers is gonna die." Melissa whimpered.
"All the time he was practicing, Fang was thinking about Whiskers. He imagined how good it would feel to rip the - Zzzzzzzzzzzzz -."
"DADDY - WAKE UP! YOU'RE FALLING ASLEEP!"
"- fur right off that ugly cat with his long claws and see him totally naked. Then he'd rip her eyes out so they hung down to the ground for Whiskers to trip over."
"Daddy! Poor Whiskers. Don't let Fang hurt my cat! I'm getting scared."
"Harry, what kind of stuff are you filling that poor child's mind with? How do you expect she'll ever get to sleep when you scare her half to death?"
"It's okay mommy. I like scary stories. I know it's just pretend. DADDY! You're falling asleep again."
I'd better sit up or I'll never get this story finished. Now where was I? Oh yeah - then when Whiskers was all blind and naked with no fur, Fang would rip her guts out and drag the slimy mess all over the floor.
To finish her off he'd dive at her chest and sink his long teeth into it and RIP HER HEART RIGHT OUT AND STOMP ON IT!"
"No, no, NO!"
"Harry, cut that out!"
"One night - it was a dark and stormy night - Fang made himself very small. He squeezed himself under the door and sneaked around Melissa's house to find Whiskers. He wiggled his nose in order to smell where the cat was. His mouth was drooling slimy spit as he thought about revenge. To room after room he went, looking and smelling and drooling. Where was that cowardly cat?"
"Whiskers is no coward!"
"She must be hiding under Melissa's bed."
"HARRY!"
"Sure enough, there she was. He could see her beady little eyes in the dark. Fang stood in the middle of the floor and squeaked to get Whisker's attention. Whiskers thought it was just another ordinary mouse and came out from under the bed to do what cats do. She was just about to swat the pesky little pest when Fang blew himself up to the size of a humungous Rotweiler with giant claws and fangs.
"Suddenly Whiskers began to grow too."
"Yea!"
"She grew and she grew to the size of a lion. The roar she let out shook the whole room. Fang was so surprised that he lost all his concentration and shrunk back down to the size of a normal mouse.
Deflated, he scurried toward the door he'd sneaked in from. But you could hear him muttering under his breath, 'I'll be back, you Frank eating cat. Next time I'll get you'.
"Whiskers just casually shrunk down to her normal size and crawled back under Melissa's bed to spend the night - the end. Good night sweetie - sweet dreams."
"What's the score in the game honey?" asked daddy as he plunked himself back down on the couch.
"I don't know, I'm watching ice dancing."
"Oh rats, another Monday night shot to -"
"Mommy, I can't sleep. I'm wide awake."
"Now see what you've done Harry? MELISSA, if you don't close your eyes and go to sleep this instant, I’ll tell the Sandman to come and throw a whole bag of sand right in your face! Then you'll have nothing but NIGHTMARES!"
"Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz."
Well, now those overworked, overstressed parents can simply read to their children from Vic's blog!
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